A little off

Do you ever get the feeling that you aren't living the life meant for you? I do. It's strange to because this is the life I planned for myself. I mean, I have known since I was a kid I was going to be a doctor, a wife and a mother. At 27, I am all of those. The thing is...sometimes I love my life, and sometimes... Well, lets just say, sometimes I worry I was so focused on getting those life goals accomplished that I missed something on the way. And then there are the people that you meet... and you think, if I was at a different point in my life, would this meeting have gone differently? I think life is all about timing. You can meet someone and fall in love, and you can both be madly in love with each other... but if the timing is wrong... if one of you is ready to committ and the other isn't, then... goodbye. But when the timing is right, you open yourself up to the committment, you let yourself fall in love. Then there are the people who are so desprate for it to be the "right time" that they convince themselves they are in love to fill some void, some personal defect, some repressed abandonment. But in the end, its about timing and luck, and probably fate... The invisible hand pushes you to the situation where you meet someone, the timing is right so you strike up a converstaion... The rest, as they say, is history....

The reason for the insanity

So, let me give you some background information about me before I start. I am 27 years old, married with a two year old son. I am in my residency training for family medicine in my second of three years. Time is short in my world, and yet I find myself on the brink of adding more "to do's" to my list without actually crossing any off. I am, I think, at one of the crossroads in my life. I find this weird because there are natural transitions in life: high school to college, college to professional school/real world, marriage, children, etc. But I am not at any of these points. However, I have recently been made acutely aware of the fact that I am growing up. I wanted to share my navigation of these turbulent waters with well, really anyone. Although, I basically knew I would be a doctor since I was five years old, I majored in English in college because I actually enjoy reading, writing, and even analysis and figured that was the time to indulge, the rest of my life would be filled with biology, physiology, and other sciences. As I've grown up, moved, studied, my circle of friends has changed to those who share my career. Our conversations are mostly medical. "Did you read that study?" or "Did you hear about the patient in the ICU with syndrome ______?" And while stimulating in a professional sense, I have come to realize I miss the variety, the intellectual, philisophical conversations I had in college. I don't know if its the further I travel from academia, or the further immersed I become in a profession, but I have fundamentally changed.... and so I find myself here, trying to gain insight into my own self... the reason for the insanity.